The set appears to be an office waiting room. However, there is a sign above the main desk that reads: Welcome to heaven. Please take a seat. Someone will be with you shortly.
Man 1: (Enters) Where… where am I?
Man 1: (Notices the sign) Is this some sort of joke?
Peter: (Enters. Moves behind the desk) Why, hello… Who is this? (He quickly flips through a book) Hmm…
Man 1: This… This really is heaven, isn’t it?
Peter: Well it’s certainly not the other place.
Man 1: You’re Peter! I’ve made it to the Pearly Gates!
Peter: Indeed, you have. But the real question is why.
Man 1: What do you mean?
Peter: Well, unfortunately, there seems to be a slight mix-up.
Man 1: Mix-up? What kind of mix-up?
Peter: (Checking his book again) You’ve actually been slated for hell.
Man 1: You’re lying.
Peter: We don’t do that up here.
Man 1: So… I didn’t make it?
Peter: Well, I suppose that depends on your point of view.
Man 1: My point of view?
Peter: Yes. In life, you “made it”, billions of dollars in revenue in a mere thirty years of life is quite impressive, for materialistic standards. However, the phrase “you can’t take it with you” is really quite accurate.
Man 1: Damn…
Peter: That’ll come soon enough. (flips through book again).
Man 1: So… What now?
Peter: (Consulting his book yet again) Well, we’ll have two angels come and bring you down to hell in about ten minutes.
Man 1: Oh. Fantastic.
Peter: In the meantime, you can hang around up here. We can lend you a harp for the time being, if that fits your stereotype. This kind of mix-up doesn’t happen very often, however, so we don’t have much for you to do.
Man 1: That’s… alright. I’ll just sit here and bide my time until -until my time. (He sits)
Peter: Well, would you like a glimpse of heaven? It’s more than many of the others that went your way have had.
Man 1: Why bother? It’s not like I’ll be staying here. Why see what I can’t have.
Peter: Perhaps that’s something that you should’ve thought about while you were still alive.
Man 1: Should’ve, could’ve, would’ve. Nothing will help me now.
Peter: (Comes from behind the desk and sits with Man 1) That always confused me about you humans. Why is the emphasis always on “now”? Now, now, now! I mean, “now” is only one third of time. You people never think about “back then” or “in the future”. What makes the present so important?
Man 1: I don’t know. As they say, “there’s no time like the present.”
Peter: In my experience, “they” don’t actually know what they’re talking about.
Man 1: You ask me to contemplate deep philosophical thought now?
Peter: No time like the present?
(Two angels enter)
Peter: (Moves to greet the others. He converses with them in hushed tones for a bit) There seems to have been a mistake.
Angel 1: Like… the last mistake?
Peter: Yes, exactly like that.
Angel 2: How could something like this happen?
Angel 1: And more than once?
Peter: I’m not perfect.
Angel 1: I’m sorry, sir.
Peter: Well, you both know what to do.
(Peter starts to move toward Man 1. The Angels follow.)
Man 1: Wait, what’s this?! (jumps up suddenly and goes down on his hands and knees) I can see something here, underneath the floor! (wipes his hands on the floor as though he was brushing away dust) I can see… I can see…
Peter: You can see heaven.
Man 1: No, that’s not right, that can’t be right! I see earth! I see my house, my family! My job, my parents, and everything!
Peter: Heaven.
Man 1: This can’t be heaven, can it? Are all these people- all the people that I know- are they all dead and in heaven below me?
Peter: No, they’re all still alive. But for people like you --people that are going the “wrong way” so to speak— earth is the only heaven you’ll ever know.
(The two angels walk to Man 1 and lift him up by the shoulders, almost dragging him offstage. Peter goes back behind the desk once again checking his book)
(Man 2 enters)
Man 2: (Enters) What –what is this?
Peter: Hello.
Man 2: This… this is heaven, isn’t it?
Peter: Well it’s certainly not the other place.
(End scene)
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